I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
