Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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