she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
