It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
