I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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