I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
