There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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