and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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