marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My bed smells like the plague
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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