We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
