The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
