I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't put those talents on a resume
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
