Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
