Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
