shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
