god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
