marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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