Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
