I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
