in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
