I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
