That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
