I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
