Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
