So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
