So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
