in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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