It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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