Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
