I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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