Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
