this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
