wanna go halves on a baby?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
