I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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