my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
