Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
