I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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