I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
