quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i think i just lost a toe
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
