In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
