When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
