I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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