That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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