i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
