My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
