Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
