Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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