So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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