If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
