Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
